I was cleaning out our spare bedroom last night and came across I file of papers essays etc. I had written over the years in high school and college. I was completely amazed that I wrote those papers, I'm one of those people that remembers EVERYTHING, I can tell you the most minute details about almost everything in my life, its freaky actually, but some of these papers....I have no recollection of writing them, if they didn't have my name on them I would have thought someone else wrote them. I used to be so open minded and if I do say so myself, I was smart, I had the whole world ahead of me and I saw things so differently then....it was obvious in every sentence that I wrote no matter the subject.
It made me sad, I miss that wide eyed innocent girl. The one who hadn't yet been betrayed and scorned by life, she had her whole life ahead of her, so much optimism and hope....I miss her so much, I wish everyday I had a time machine and could go back to those days and make so many decisions in my life differently, but I can't, so I just have to try to learn something from that girl, try to find that optimism and hope back somehow.....
Living my whole adult lifehood in small town nowhere has certainly changed me, I never saw myself here, but here I am, I've forgotten all the wonderful things that are out there, I've decided that I need to get some of that old me back, I need to keep learning, I need to stop making ttc my one and only obsession, I am going to check out some classes at our local community college, I used to love literature and poetry classes, I'd love to learn more about photography, I've got to open my world to all those things that used to be important to me, I'm really excited, I've been contemplating therapy for a while now, I think just some non-ttc outlet is gonna be just what I need.
No comments:
Post a Comment